Monday, 24 November 2014

When?

When does one share personal information on the internet and what do you say?  My husband is in a long term recovery from 18 days in hospital with renal failure and pneumonia after being very sick and now recuperating before he has surgery for initial problem. My aged in-laws are in crisis and are being stubbornly independent. Although I am grateful for their rejection of help in the past, now a crisis has been reached - mum-in-law has broken collar bone and is doing much of the caring for bed bound dad-in-law - they have had no contingency plans in place.  Despite my asking for the information, I had no list of their Care Company phone numbers etc. Thanks goodness for the internet for finding out. Social services are doing what they can, but if they reject help there is nothing they can do. We are a very small family and they live over an hour's drive away and they keep saying they are coping, and I know I must leave them to it - but I worry about them. Should I have been insistent in asking for information, even though I was (usually) kindly told it was not necessary and not to pester as it was making m-i-l distressed?
So now the info is out there. I feel Blogger is a bit more personal than Facebook and haven't mentioned it there although many friends know. I know you lovely people will show lots of support too and I guess that is what I'm looking for as we are all looking for some sort of response when we blog. As a friend says, sometimes lurching from crisis to crisis seems to become the norm, and many people and families are in that situation, although that thought is not much help when you are going through it yourself!
Everyone says that I must look after myself; and I am, early nights and eating sensibly, but my jaw seems permanently clenched and I'm always listening for phone… Thank goodness for my sister and my Dad, who although a bit unwell himself has all angles covered in case of an emergency.

I have managed a bit of craft work but all larger projects are on hold.  My sis came to stay when Mr T was in hospital needless to say she is into a bit of crochet too.





Mungo likes a bit of crochet himself  which is why I'm making him a blanket from the leftovers from my ripple blanket.

I made one strip about 36x12 inches

But this week I have been stitching this Motto cushion as demonstrated by Laura Kemshall on Design Matters TV. Might just make another one when I can decide on a motto. Just enough concentration needed to keep my mind off other matters.
Thanks so much for listening, sometimes it is good to share. I would just say that if you have elderly parents do your best to get some sort of contingency plan in place it would have made life easier, even if it wouldn't have solved all their problems.  I will leave you with this picture from FB. It just makes me smile.
Jill


13 comments:

ju-north said...

Sometimes everything seems to come at once doesn't it? My mum moved into a care home when she was a danger to herself. There are some nice care homes where couples could be together but I guess you'd be happy with care in their home ATM. Hope you eventually find a solution - and peace. Take care of yourself and hubby

Marigold Jam said...

Life can be so hard at times can't it. Do hope that MrT makes a speedy recovery and that your in-laws find some form of solution to their probs too. Having spent this afternoon visiting an elderly lady in a nursing home I must say I am praying to be allowed to stay in my own home and to die of natural causes but we are all different and it might be possible to get some sort of day care in place so that they can remain at home. Is Mr T the only child? Or is there anyone else to discuss this with? Thinking of you are hoping you will take a little time for yourself each day so as to be able to help as required if/when necessary. If it would help to talk via e-mail you have my address I think.

Jee said...

So sorry to hear that Mr T has been so ill - hopefully he'll now continue to improve.
I do sympathise with the in-law problems. Trying to get help and get it accepted can be so frustrating. Worst of all it becomes an ongoing problem with no obvious solution.
I think at present you can only prioritise yourself and Mr T. Are they aware how ill he is? They may be trying to save you more worry. I know how hard it is but people have to make their own decisions as long as they can.
Easy to say all this - it doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with. Thinking of you all.

Robbie said...

We have to count our blessings for sure...I am so sorry for your bad times but there is a greater plan for you (the big guy up above knows what it is!)...hard to realize and it doesn't make what you're going through any easier but hang in there...do take care of yourself....you can only do so much. Just be there for your in-laws, letting them know that. All you can do!

Maggie Bissmire said...

I endorse all the previous comments and what you are already doing. Just hang in there, try and detach yourself from the situations where you have done all you can. Mobilise all the support you can. It's a huge challenge at the moment but you will come out stronger in the end.

Maggi said...

Knowing that others are in a similar situation doesn't really help much and all we can really do as your blogging friends is to be there for you and to lend a sympathetic ear when you need it most. You have so much going on at the moment that the important thing is to take care of yourself so that you are able to continue to cope.

It's good that you have something that you can do to keep your hands and mind occupied at times, and Mungo is certainly appreciative.

Linda said...

Oh Jill I can so sympathise with you and I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with so much. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes, does it?
I thought getting past 60 (and retirement) would mean things got easier. Little did I know.
Having gone through nightmares with dad when he got dementia, I am now doing all I can to look after my 85 year old mum and cope with my own health problems. And to top it all Brian had a major seizure two months ago. I understand what Maggi says, but I just wanted to let you know you're not on your own. I'm thinking of you and sending love.
Keep on crocheting and hugging Mungo :-)

Linda said...

Oh Jill I can so sympathise with you and I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with so much. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes, does it?
I thought getting past 60 (and retirement) would mean things got easier. Little did I know.
Having gone through nightmares with dad when he got dementia, I am now doing all I can to look after my 85 year old mum and cope with my own health problems. And to top it all Brian had a major seizure two months ago. I understand what Maggi says, but I just wanted to let you know you're not on your own. I'm thinking of you and sending love.
Keep on crocheting and hugging Mungo :-)

Joy said...

Well Jill, so sorry to hear about all this! We are dealing with similar issues on our end also-- 94 yr old insisting on independence, but with a brother checking in on him. I can only say that you seem to be doing all that you can. You have offered, and you are available, and so far, your assistance has been refused. Keep praying for God's direction and yes, take care of your health. Sorry I can not be of more help. I was just looking at the little fold over pouch I bought from you a few years back, it is so lovely. You make such pretty and creative things. Nice to have the kitty be so appreciative!

Thimble Fingers said...

I can totally relate to everything you're going through, sometimes it feels like all the crap in life lands on you in one huge bucket full. Step back and look at things logically and accept that you can only do what you can do, you're not invisible, and if you try and do it all you will fall apart and be no good to anyone. Priority is you and your husband, then do what you can for the in-laws, if they refuse, you need to accept that, and keep your own health strong. Hug Mungo, pets are amazing for de-stressing, and take time out for your crafts so you can refocus and think of something else even just for an hour or two, it will help recharge your batteries. I know all this, because I've had the year from hell myself, nursing mum with cancer, losing her in August, staying strong for dad, losing my dog in June, Dad having a heart bypass in November and currently staying with me, sister a knee replacement a week later, husband who works away, and moving a couple of elderly friends into aged care after two hip replacements and dementia, clearing out their home, taking medical calls every day ... it all becomes too much and I've learnt I need to step away some times just to breath, so i completely know how torn you feel. Make sure you do take time for yourself, you can't do the impossible and I'm sure no one would expect it of you. Knowing you care and offered, is sometimes all people want. I hope your husband gets well soon. Sending big hugs x

Gina said...

I hope you know that I'm here and always willing to help even if that just means a friendly ear. Love that last photo! Xxx

Printed Material said...

Dearest Jill, I want to add my voice to all the positive, encouraging and supportive comments by all who have gone before me. Firstly, I am hoping Mr T is improving and that you stay positive for him. You two are a great team and it must add to his parent's worries if they are also worried about him on top of their own situation. My only comment is a reminder of my own parents and the observation that they come from a very stoical generation. They don't want help and they don't want to be a bother. All you can do is respect that but offer the help, and you have done that, so don't feel guilty. Keep focussed on keeping yourself well and getting that man of yours home to you.Lecture over. Keep the faith in Blogger and the internet.Your virtual chums are always here for you. xxxx

Jill said...

Thank you to all my dear Blogger friends. Our immediate crisis has passed and I am feeling less harassed. Mr T is making a steady recovery at home I'm pleased to say. Just writing things down helps and it's good to know there are so many great 'listeners' out there. Jill xx