Thursday, 10 December 2009

Knotted breath


Last year, a few months after I stopped teaching I had a few health issues, one being trouble with my breathing.  I had always been a bit wheezy but this was a rather frightening episode linked to damaging some nerves in my upper back. It was even suggested I was having panic attacks. I am now on a daily regime of inhalers  but like many asthmatics vulnerable to chest infections.  I had drawn the figure above when I was feeling really bad, I wanted to convey the feel of restricted breath.  Earlier this year I scanned and enlarged it using it in one of my journals which have been instrumental in helping me evolve my new life-style. I found it very difficult to let go and allow myself the indulgence of exploring myself, so a pictured like this represents a lot more than a physical restriction. Sharing it with the world on my blog is another step.
I have a cough right now which always makes my back vulnerable and consequently I have pulled a muscle which I have done before.  I am well equipped with ice-packs, heat pads and a support belt and hope to be back to normal soon. I'm not looking for sympathy, but hope my picture conveys the desperate feeling of having to work at taking a breath both physcally and metaphorically.

8 comments:

Lalabibaby said...

That must be a frightening feeling Jill but you sound like you have a fantastic coping mechanism. I hope you cough clears soon ... our little Jack has bronchilitus and the poor little mite has been given an inhaler. x

Duncan Astbury said...

I remember the first time I went into a steam room, I had a feeling that I was breathing in water, like drowning and I had to come out again quickly. I persevered and after a few deep breathes I was OK, now I love steam rooms but I get jokingly quoted as saying "it's a well know fact its not possible to breath in a steam room".

Leenie said...

That is an intense picture. I find turning emotions into something I can see is often good therapy. I usually discover others with similar feelings. I experienced a panic attack when I was learning to scuba dive. It is awful to feel so out of control. I hope good things for you and a quick recovery from your ills.

Menopausal musing said...

That's a really powerful image Jill. It's good that you could share both it and your feelings. Hope you feel better really soon.

sea-blue-sky & abstracts said...

Hope that cough clears up very soon! Your picture really does illustrate the discomfort and distress of struggling to breathe. Does something like ibuprofen help the back pain? Best wishes. Lesley

WrightStuff said...

There is so much emotion in that painting. wow. I've had asthma too, though it seems under control these days. Keep yourself warm and snug on these damp cold days (and make sure you get your flu jabs - I had my swine flu yesterday. My arm feels like it's been hit by a mountain!).

Take care
Lisa

pinkfairygran said...

See, I feel really inadequate now as whilst I could put feelings and emotions into words, never could I achieve it in pictures, as you do. I am prone to panic attacks sometimes, going in a scanner brought on a bad one many years ago and I dread having to do it again. It's a case of mind over matter, except with you of course, when your restricted breathing has more serious medical causes. I do hope your cough clears without doing any more damage to your back and causing more discomfort. Rest and take care.

Jill said...

Thank you so much - cough much better and back achey but I'm dosed up on pain killers. My 'best friend' is my chiropractor for whom I think I have bought tne new carpet in his clinic over the years - he'll straighten me out after the initial inflamation has died down. Not a cure for a weak back but a great help.